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3851. Anderson Nails

A small factory in the northwest of U.S.A., Anderson Nails, had been experiencing years of success and growth. Feeling that he was ready to try for the big time, the owner (Anderson, of course) contracted a big Madison Avenue agency to help him promote his product. Aiming to get the greatest possible exposure, the agency booked a full minute at the beginning of the Super Bowl halftime show. Anderson was pretty excited about this, and invited all of his friends and relatives to his home for a big Super Bowl party. At the end of the first half, everybody drew closer to the TV, wanting to see the premiere of the commercial. It began with an aerial shot of the desert, and zoomed in on a small walled city. As the camera slowly panned about the city, it became apparent that this was Jerusalem, during the Roman occupation. A large hill on the horizon came into view, and as the camera drew closer, a number of crosses became visible. The focus settled on a naked man in a crown of thorns, then moved in for an extreme close-up of his bleeding hands, and the nails which held them to the cross. The nails were stamped with the Anderson Nails logo. A subtitle appeared on the screen, bearing the words "Anderson Nails--the Expert's Choice." Anderson's guests were horrified. The party broke up before the end of the game. The next day, he began to get phone calls from his oldest and most loyal customers, expressing their outrage and canceling their orders. By the end of the week, his sales were down to nothing. He called the president of the advertising agency to cancel his contract. When Anderson explained the situation, the ad-man was surprised, and offered to run a new campaign at no charge. The new campaign was slated to start in a few weeks time (not too long before Easter, as it turned out). This time, Anderson nervously watched the commercial alone in the privacy of his office. It began the same way as before, with an aerial view of Jerusalem. The camera finally settled on two Roman soldiers drinking wine at a table near the marketplace. Hearing a disturbance nearby, they look up from their drinks in time to see a naked man, with bleeding hands and feet, being pursued by a group of soldiers. The first soldier looks at his companion, smiles knowingly, and says "they didn't use Anderson nails!"

3851. 釘のアンダーソン社


3852.Your toothbrush

A father spotted his 4-year-old daughter out in the backyard brushing the family dog’s teeth. “What are you doing?” he asked. “I’m brushing Bruno’s teeth. But don’t worry, I’ll put your toothbrush back,” replied the girl

3852. パパの歯ブラシ


 3853.Trump helps with Earthquake Relief

A big earthquake with a strength of 8.1 on the Richter scale hit the Middle East and one million Muslims died. President Donald Trump, wanting to help as much as possible, has decided to send back 2 million replacement Muslims to the Middle East from the United States.

3853. トランプ地震救援活動を行う


 3854.Mission Kimpossible

North Korea fired a missile in defiance of the U.S. President Donald Trump sending a naval task force to the region. Tyrant Kim Jong-Un ordered the provocative launch from Shinpo, the port city, but it exploded 5 seconds after take-off, humiliating the North Korean despot in the eyes of the world. What do you call this incident? Mission Kimpossible!



●Mission Impossibleに引っかけたものです。

3855.That's the first time I ever saw her hot

A WASP had his wife cremated. As smoke came out, he whispered to his friend, “That’s the first time I ever saw her hot.”

3855. 彼女が熱くなったのを見るのは初めてだ



3856. Not a single thing

Two newlyweds quickly realized that the marriage wasn’t working and filed for divorce. The judge wanted to know what the problem is. The husband answered, “In the seven weeks that we’ve been together, we haven’t been able to agree on a single thing.” The judge turned to the wife, “Have you anything to say?” “Yes, honor,” she replied, “It’s been eight weeks, not seven weeks.”

3856. ひとつも意見が合わない


 3857.Empty seat

It's almost impossible for citizens to get tickets to the theater during Soviet days. A WOMAN is there one night, and next to her is an empty seat.
MAN NEXT TO HER: I've never seen an empty seat before - why is one there?
WOMAN: It's a sad story. We ordered these tickets two years ago, and my
husband just died the other day.
MAN: How sad... But why didn't you give them to a relative?
WOMAN: I would have, but they're all at the funeral.

3857. 空席



 3858. Bermuda Triangle and Theresa May

Q. What’s the difference between the Bermuda Triangle and Theresa May?
A. One loses boats and the other loses votes.

3858. バーミューダ三角水域とテリーザ・メイ


●The Bermuda Triangle(バミューダ三角水域)はフロリダ・バミューダ諸島・プエルトリコを結ぶ三角形の水域で、船舶が行方不明になる事故が多い場所として知られる。メイ首相の保守党は2017年6月の英国総選挙で投票の過半数を得られなかったことをboats とvotesに掛けています。


A little girl made a cup of tea for her mother. “I didn’t know you could make tea,” said the mother while taking a sip of tea. “I boiled some water, added the tea leaves like you do and then I strained it into a cup. But I couldn’t find the strainer, so I used the fly swatter.” “What? Fly swatter?” exclaimed the mother, choking on her tea. “Don’t worry, mom, I didn’t use a new fly swatter. I used the old one.”

3859. 茶漉し器


3860. Pants

What is the difference between a businessman and a dog? A businessman wears a suit and a dog just pants.

3860. パンツ(喘ぐ)



Kaz's BOOK STOREへ 英語のジョーク表紙へ
Mail Kaz for Other Jokes Archives(旧作一覧)