Jokes:追加用 3911-



3951. Trap door 

Madonna and Hugh Hefner died and went to heaven, but St. Peter was wary about admitting them. He turned to Hefner and said,“You have corrupted people with your pornography and thus you must pass a test if you wish to remain in heaven. You must walk along a 100-foot tunnel without thinking any unclean thoughts. If you should have an unclean thought while in the tunnel, a trap door will open and you will fall down to hell.” Hefner was confident and started walking. Halfway along, St. Peter leaned towards him and whispered, “Tits.” The trap door suddenly opened and Hefner plunged down to hell. Then St. Peter turned to Madonna and said, “You have corrupted people with your provocative clothes and videos. So you must walk along a 100-foot tunnel without thinking any unclean thoughts. If you should have an unclean thought while in the tunnel, a trap door will open and you will fall down to hell.” Madonna agreed to take the test. Halfway along the tunnel, when St. Peter was about to lean towards her, the trap door opened and St. Peter plunged down to hell.”

3951. 跳ね板



3952.Get out first

Two prisoners were taken to their cell. “How long are you in for?” asked one. “15 years. What about you?” “22 years. So you’re getting out first, you’d better have the bed by the door.”

3952. 先に出所する


3953. 20 pints of Guinness

One Friday evening, a young stockbroker was unwinding in a bar after a hard week’s work. He was in the mood for a bit of fun and he announced, “If anyone can drink 20 pints of Guinness, I’ll give him $200.” The bartender lined up 20 pints on the bar, but there were no immediate takers. Saying “Wait a minute”, one man said and got off his stool and popped out. He came back a few minutes later and declared that he could drink all the 20. To everyone’s amazement, he did! The stockbroker handed over the money and asked the man where he had nipped out to. “Well,” he said, “first I had to go to the bar next door to make sure if I could do it.”

3953. 20パイントのギネスビール



3954. Gossip 

A gossip is a person who never tells a lie if the truth will do more damage.

3954. ゴシップ好き


3955. Praise the Lord

A bishop gave a mule to a priest and told him that the animal was trained to obey two commands: “Praise the Lord” to go and “Amen” to stop. The priest climbed on board the mule and said, “Praise the Lord.” The mule set off and it began faster and faster and the priest got worried. He wanted to stop the animal, but he couldn’t remember the key word to stop. He kept saying, “Jesus,” “Hail Mary,” or “Lo and behold”, but it had no effect. Finally he remembered the word “Amen” and the mule stopped immediately. The priest looked down and saw that the mule had come to a halt right on the edge of a huge cliff with a 500-foot drop. Wiping his brow in relief, the priest sighed, “Praise the Lord.”

3955. 神を讃えよ



3956.Only one redeeming feature

Once in his life, a real estate agent decided to be honest with a prospective house-buyer. “This property is bordered on the north by gasworks, on the south by a rubber factory, on the east by a chemical plant and on the west by a glue factory.” “My goodness!” exclaimed the buyer. “It sounds absolutely appalling. Doesn’t it have any redeeming features?” “There is one,” said the agent. “You can always tell which way the wind is blowing.”

3956. 欠点を補う唯一の利点


3957. NYET

Donald Trump was being questioned about collusion with Russia. A reporter asked him point-blank: "Have you or any members of your inner circle ever knowingly communicated with Russian intelligence agents?" Trump's face flushed crimson with rage. It took him nearly a minute to regain enough composure to speak. Then he screamed: "Read my lips ... NYET!"

3957. ニエット(=ロシア語でNOの意味)



3958. Hazard to traffic

A guy rushes into his office and shouts to his colleagues, “I tell you, women drivers are a hazard to traffic. Driving to work this morning on the motorway, I looked over to my left and there was this woman in a BMW doing at least 65 mph with her face up next to her rear view mirror putting on her mascara. I looked away for a couple seconds and then the next thing I knew was she was careering all over my lane. It scared me so badly that I dropped my electric shaver in my coffee, and it spilled all over my mobile phone.”

3958. 安全運転の妨げ



3959. Greyhound

A woman went to a psychiatrist and said, “Doc, you’ve got help me. My husband thinks he is a greyhound. He eats dog food, sleeps in a kennel and even chases hares.” “Well,” said the psychiatrist, “I can cure him, but it is going to be costly.” “Oh, money isn’t an issue,” said the woman, “He has already won four races.”

3959. グレイハウンド犬


Kaz's BOOK STOREへ 英語のジョーク表紙へ
Mail Kaz for Other Jokes Archives(旧作一覧)