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4041. Divorce letter 

Dear wife,

I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you forever. I've been a good man to you for 7 years and I have nothing to show for it. These last 2 weeks have been terrible. Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today and that was the last straw. Last week, you came home and didn't even notice I had new haircut and a pair of new silk boxers. I had cooked your favorite meal. You ate in 2 minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching all of your soap operas. You don't tell me you love me anymore. You don't want sex or anything that connects us as husband and wife. Either you're cheating on me or you don't love me anymore. Whatever the case, I'm gone.
Your EX-Husband,

P.S. Don't try to find me, your sister and I are moving away to Oklahoma together. Have a great life!

Dear Ex-Husband,

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true you and I have been married for 7 years, although a good man is a far cry from what you've been. I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining and griping. Too bad that doesn't work. I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the first thing that came to mind was 'You look just like a queer!' Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can't say something nice, I didn't comment. And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork 7 years ago. About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, and I prayed it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed $50 from me that morning. After all of this, I still loved you and felt we could work it out. So when I hit the lotto for 10 million dollars, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica, but when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the Letter you wrote ensures you won't get a dime from me. So take care.

Signed: Your Ex-Wife, Rich as Gates and Free at last!

I don't know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born Carl. I hope that's not a problem

4041. 離婚状






4042. Food stamps 

Do you know how to starve a Puerto Rican to death? Hide his food stamps under his work shoes.

4042. 食券



4043. Same position

A pregnant woman asked the obstetrician, “Doctor, what should I do if I start delivering the baby before I get to the hospital?” The doctor said, “Just get in the same position you were in when you conceived. And let nature take its course.” She asked puzzlingly, “You mean taking a doggie style in the back sheet of our Volkswagen?”

4043. 同じ格好で



4044. Tonsillectomy

When the surgeon came to see his blonde patient on the day after her operation, she asked him somewhat hesitantly just how long it would be before she could resume her sex life. "Uh, I haven't really thought about it," admitted the stunned surgeon. “You're the first one ever to ask that after a tonsillectomy.”

4044. 扁桃腺摘出手術


4045. I don't like standing in a line

A Western journalist stopped a man on the street in Bucharest and asked him covertly, "Would you be happy if Ceausescu had died?" "Of course," the man said. "Would you come to his funeral to clap?" the journalist whispered to him. "Naturally," the Romanian whispered back. "Then, would you take a piss on his grave?" the journalist winked. "No, never!" was his reply. "Why?" "Because, I don't like standing in a line."

4045. 行列で並ぶのは好きじゃない


●ルーマニアの独裁者チャウシエスク(Nicole Ceausescu)は1989年のクーデターで暗殺されましたが、彼を憎んでいた国民が多いのでその墓に小便をかけようとする人が列をなしたんだ、というジョークです。

4046.New York hero

A guy walks in the Central Park, and sees a dog attacking a toddler. The guy runs toward the dog, grabs the leash and restrains the dog, until the dog has suffocated. The bystanders regard him as a hero, and the journalist wants to cook up a headline and yells his headline to the hero, "A New Yorker hero has saved a baby from a vicious dog!" "Wait, I don't live in New York," the guy says. ""OK. An American hero has saved a baby from a vicious dog!" "Neither am I American," the guy replies. "Well, where are you from?" asks the journalist. "I'm from Pakistan," the guy says. Next day's headline: "Islamic fundamentalists have brutally tortured a dog to death. The FBI is searching for the possible Al-Queda operatives who were probably involved in the attack."

4046. ニューヨークの英雄


4047. Stingy meal

Waiter: Thank you sir. How did you find your steak?
Customer: I just moved a lettuce leaf and there it was.

4047. せこい食事


●How did you FIND your steak?は「ステーキのお味はいかがでしたか?」と聞いているのですが、あまりに小さな肉だったので客は I FOUND it under a lettuce leaf.(レタスの葉の下に見つけたよ)と嫌みを言っているのです。

4048 .Confuccious says

#1. Passionate kiss is like a spider's web - soon it turns out to be undoing fly.
#2. A man who bounces a woman on bed spring this spring will have offspring next spring.
#3. He who fishes in other man's well often catches crabs.

4048. 孔子曰く


#2:springを(1)ベッドのスプリング、(2)季節の春、そして offspring(子孫)まで発展させています。

4049. Loan

Little Johnny was being questioned by his teacher during an arithmetic lesson. "Johnny, if you had ten dollars and I asked you for a loan of eight dollars, how much would you have left?" asked the teacher. "Ten," replied Little Johnny firmly. "Ten? How do you make it ten, Johnny?" said the teacher. "Well, Miss," replied Little Johnny "You may ask for a loan of eight dollars, but that doesn't mean you'll get it!"

4049. ローン


4050. Lazy bone

What do you call a ghost who is always sleeping?  Lazy bones.

4050. 怠け者

いつも眠ってばかりいる幽霊を何と呼ぶか? 怠け者(Lazy bones)。


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