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4121. The obsession

Jacob and his best friend Sidney are having a quiet chat about the advantages and disadvantages of marrying young. "I met my Naomi over 50 years ago," says Jacob, "When we were both 16 and almost immediately we started making love in my bedroom whilst my parents were out. It didn't take me long to propose to her." "Wow!" says Sidney. "So you obviously believe in marrying young." "Yes, you could say that," replies Jacob, "but there can also be problems if you marry before you really know your partner well. In my case, the disadvantage in marrying Naomi before I really knew her still affects me today." "Tell me, Jacob,” says Sidney. "I was a very messy teenager and right from the start, every time we went up to my bedroom to make love, Naomi looked around and said, 'Oy, what a messy room! I'm not making love in here until it's been cleaned up.' And she meant it. She refused point blank to do so until she had thoroughly, and I mean thoroughly, cleaned and tidied up my room. I didn't know then that Naomi had and still has a major obsession with cleanliness." "OK, but that was 50 years ago," says Sidney. "Why does her obsession affect you today?" "Because every time I hear Naomi turns on the vacuum cleaner," replies Jacob, "I get an instant erection."

4121. 強迫観念



4122. If wives were caught cheating by their husbands?

French wife: "Jean, why don’t you come over here? The more the merrier."
American wife: "Oh, John? I suppose you’ll now start spreading your stupid suspicions?"
Russian wife: "OK, Ivan. You can hit me, but not in the face please."
Jewish wife: "Abraham, is that you? So who is here with me then?"

4122. 妻が不倫の真っ最中を夫に見つけられた時


4123. Nobody behind the steering wheel

A guy was on the side of the road hitch hiking on a very dark night and in the middle of a storm. The storm was so strong that he could hardly see a few feet ahead of him. Suddenly he saw a car slowly coming towards him and stop. Without thinking about it, the guy got in the car and closed the door, but he realized there's nobody behind the steering wheel(!) The car started slowly. The guy looked at the road and saw a curve approaching. Scared, he started to pray, begging for his life. Then, just before he hit the curve, a hand appeared through the window and turned the wheel. The guy was paralyzed with terror and watched how the hand appeared every time they came to a curve. Gathering strength, he jumped out of the car and ran to the nearest township. Wet and in shock, he went into a tavern and asked for two shots of tequila. He then started telling everybody about the horrible experience he went through. A silence spread when they realized the guy was crying and he wasn't drunk. About half an hour later two guys walked into the same tavern, wet and out of breath. Looking around and seeing the guy who hitched a lift, the one said to the other, "Look, Jim, there's the idiot that got in our car while we were pushing it."

4123. 運転席には誰もいなかった


4124. Silver tray

Renee and Isaac have been invited to Sarah’s wedding and are discussing what present they should give her. "We’ve known Sarah for many years but I can’t say she’s one of my very best friends. In that case, I don’t think we should give her anything too expensive," says Isaac. "I agree, darling," says Renee, "so I have a suggestion to make. Do you know that ugly silver tray we were given on our wedding? We have never used it and it’s still in its original box. I know it has our initials engraved on it, but I’m sure a good silversmith can remove them and put some new initials on it. Sarah won’t be able to tell it’s not a new tray and we can save some money." "That’s a great idea," says Isaac. “Why not take it in to Roken, the silversmith, tomorrow?" So the following day, Renee takes the tray to Mr. Roken and tells him how she would like the tray altered. Mr. Roken uses an eye glass to look closely at the existing initials, then looks up at Renee and says, "Sorry lady, it can’t be done - one can only make such changes three times."

4124. 銀の皿 



4125. Seat belt

Howard is a technology maven. One day, as he is driving down a road, he passes a sign saying that he is approaching the most advanced road-side camera in the world. So he slows down to the 30mph speed limit. But when he passes the camera, it flashes at him. "Not much of an advanced camera," he thinks. "I wonder what incorrect speed it has been set at?" So he turns around, drives back 300 yards, turns around and approaches the camera again, this time at 20mph. Again it flashes at him and he laughs out loud. Once again he turns around, drives back 300 yards, turns around again and approaches the camera again, this time at just 10mph. Once again, the camera flashes at him. He gives up on the faulty camera and drives home. One week later, three letters drop through his letterbox. Each one is a Traffic Fine for £100 for driving without a seat belt!

4125. シートベルト


4126. Myocardial infarct

One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that her husband had died of a 'massive internal fart.'

4126. 心筋梗塞

ある日私は、急性心筋梗塞(massive myocardial infarct)で突然死した男の妻に、その悲報を知らせる役目を負わされた。私の伝えを聞いて5分も経たないうちに、その男の妻が親戚一同に自分の夫は「大量のオナラが体内に溜まり死亡した」、と伝えていることがわかった。

4127. Military parade

The May Day parade in Moscow is the largest, most important military parade of the year. In 1992, Borris Yeltsin invited Bill Clinton to come watch it with them. The parade commenced with a battalion of tanks, followed by a division of infantry, followed by armored personnel carriers and mobile artillery. They had mobile ballistic missile launchers, electronic jamming vehicles, the most advanced interceptors, fighters, and long-range tactical and strategic bombers. Clinton was very impressed, but he noticed that, way back at the end of the parade, there was a disorganized, messy bunch of men in rumpled suits tagging along behind the last artillery pieces. “Who are they?” he asked. “Ah,” said Yeltsin, “those are our economists!” “But I thought this parade was military,” said Clinton, a bit confused. “Mr. Clinton,” winked Yeltsin, “Have you thought about the damage those men have given?”

4127. 軍事パレード


4128. Ballet  

A mother took her six-year old daughter to the ballet. This was the first time the little girl had ever seen a ballet and she watched wide-eyed as the ballerinas pranced around the stage on their toes. When the ballet was over, the mother asked her daughter if she had any questions. "Yes, Mommy," the little girl replied, "Wouldn't it be easier if they just hired taller dancers?"

4128. バレー


4129. Married Buddies 

Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says, “You know, I don’t know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we’ve been out drinking I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. I take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, I get undressed in the bathroom I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up and yells at me for staying out so late!” His buddy looks at him and says,” Well, you’re obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, throw my shoes into the closet, jump into bed, rub my hands on my wife’s butt and say, ‘How about a blow job?’ …. and she’s always sound asleep.

4129. 既婚者


4130. Money

Money isn't everything, but at least it encourages relatives to stay in touch.

4130. 金(かね)


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