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141. Collateral

An old Native American wanted a loan for $500. He approached his local banker. The banker pulled out the loan application, asking, "What are you going to do with the money?" "Take jewelry to city and sell it," said the old man. "What have you got for collateral?" queried the banker, going strictly by the book. "Don't know of collateral." "Well that's something of value that would cover the cost of the loan. Have you got any vehicles?" "Yes, I have a 1949 Chevy pickup." The banker shook his head, "How about livestock?" "Yes, I have a horse." "How old is it?" "I don't know; it has no teeth." Finally the banker decided to make the $500 loan. Several weeks later the old man was back in the bank. He pulled out a roll of bills, "Here's the money to pay loan," he said, handing the entire amount including interest. "What are you going to do with the rest of that money?" "Put it in my pocket." "Why don't you deposit it in my bank?" he asked. "I don't know of deposit." "Well, you put the money in our bank and we take care of it for you. When you want to use it you can withdraw it." The old Indian leaned across the desk, looking suspiciously at the banker, and asked, "What you got for collateral?"

4141. 担保物件


4142. Same service

A husband visited a marriage counselor and said, "When we were first married, I would come home from the office, my wife would bring my slippers and our cute little dog would run around barking. Now after ten years it's all different. I come home, the dog brings the slippers and my wife runs around barking." "Why do you complain?" said the counselor, "You're still getting the same service !"

4142. 同じサービス


4143. Adam’s underwear

A little boy opened the big family bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages. "Mama, look what I found," the boy called out. "What have you got there, dear?" With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, "I think it's Adam's underwear."

4143. アダムの下着



4144. Ghoulstones (Gallstones?)

Why did the vampire go to hospital? He wanted his ghoulstones removed.

4144. 胆石(食人鬼石?)


Gallstone(胆石)の発音に似たGhoul stone (食人鬼石?)という造語を作りました。これと同じ発想なのが Which ghost ruled France? Charles de Ghoul. (De Gaulle):フランスを支配した幽霊は誰?シャルル・ド・グールですというジョークです。

4145. Tennis ball

A guy was standing at the country club bar with a tennis ball stuffed into the pocket of his shorts. A woman next to him tapped him on the arm and pointed to the bulge and asked, "What's that?" "Tennis ball." he replied. "Ohhh, ouch!" the woman responded grimacing. "I know how that must hurt. I've had tennis elbow before."

4145. テニスボール



4146. Hammer thrower

In the Olympics, a Soviet hammer thrower set a new world record. "How did you manage to hurl that hammer so far?" reporters asked him. "If it were together with a sickle, I could throw it twice as far."

4146. ハンマー投げ選手



4147. Racial discrimination

The first-grade class teacher asks Sarah, "What did you do at recess?" after recess. Sarah says, "I played in the sandpit." The teacher says, "That's good. Go to the blackboard, and if you can write 'sand' correctly, I'll give you a fresh baked cookie." She does and gets a cookie. The teacher asks Morris what he did at recess. He says, "I played with Sarah in the sandpit." The teacher says, "Good. If you write 'pit' correctly on the blackboard, I'll give you a fresh baked cookie." Morris does, and gets a cookie. Teacher then asks Mustaffa Abdul what he did at recess. He says, "I tried to play with Sarah and Morris, but they threw rocks at me." The teacher says, "They threw rocks at you? That sounds like blatant racial discrimination. If you can go the blackboard and write 'blatant racial discrimination' I'll give you a cookie."

4147. 人種差別

休み時間後小学校一年生のクラスで、担任の先生がサラに「休み時間は何をしたの?」と聞いた。サラが「砂場で遊びました」と答えたので、先生は「それは良かったわね。じゃ黒板に『砂(sand)』って書いてみて。正しく書けたら焼きたてのクッキーをご褒美にあげましょう」と言った。サラは正しく綴れたのでクッキーをもらえた。次に先生はモーリスに休み時間に何をしたかと尋ねた。モーリスは「僕はサラと一緒に砂場で遊びました」と答えたので、先生は「それは良かったわね。じゃ黒板に『囲い場(pit)』って書いてみて。正しく書けたら焼きたてのクッキーをご褒美にあげましょう」と言った。モーリスは正しく綴れたのでクッキーをもらえた。先生は次にムスタファ・アブドゥルを指名して、休み時間に何をしたかと尋ねた。ムスタファは「サラやモーリスと一緒に砂場で遊ぼうとしましたが、二人は僕に石を投げつけて仲間に入れてくれませんでした」と答えた。先生は「あなたに石を投げつけたんですか?それは随分ひどい人種差別ですね。黒板に『ひどい人種差別(blatant racial discrimination』て書いてみて。正しく書けたら焼きたてのクッキーをご褒美にあげますよ」


4148. The most beautiful girl in the world

Emily said to her friend, "My Jimmy keeps telling everyone he's going to marry the most beautiful girl in the world." And the friend said, "What? That's too bad. I thought he was going to marry you!"

4148. 世界一美しい女性



4149. Alligator shoes

An Army Ranger was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana and he wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking. After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the Ranger shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and get my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes made at a reasonable price!" The vendor said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you will run into a couple of Marines who were in here earlier saying the same thing." So the Ranger headed into the bayou that same day and a few hours later came upon two men standing waist deep in the water. He thought, "Those must be the two Marines the guy in town was talking about." Just then, the Ranger saw a tremendously long alligator swimming rapidly underwater towards one of the Marines. Just as the alligator was about to attack, the Marine grabbed its neck with both hands and strangled it to death with very little effort. Then both Marines dragged it on shore and flipped it on its back. Laying nearby were several more of the creatures. One of the Marines then exclaimed, "Darn, this one doesn't have any shoes either!"

4149. ワニ革の靴



4150. Night mare

What kind of horse does a witch ride? A night mare.

4150. 悪夢

魔女が乗る馬はどんな種類の馬ですか? 悪夢(夜の雌馬)

●Nightmare(悪夢)を二つに分解するとNight(夜) Mare(雌馬)で、魔女が乗るにふさわしい馬と言えます。

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