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4271. Canine agent

One day Max sees a sign in front of a house, "Talking Dog for Sale." He’s curious so he rings the bell. The owner tells Max the dog’s name is Cindy. He takes Max into the back garden where a cocker spaniel is just sitting there. "Do you really talk?" Max asks Cindy. "Yes, of course I do," Cindy replies. "So can you tell me about yourself?" Cindy looks up at Max and says, "I discovered this special gift of speech when I was young and as I’ve always wanted to help my country, I told MI5 about it. They had sent me to all over the world, sitting in rooms not only with royalties and world leaders but also with spies. No one figured a dog could be eavesdropping, so I was their most valuable spy. But jetting around really tired me out. I wasn't getting any younger and I wanted to settle down. So I resigned and signed up for a job at Heathrow airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious people and listening in to their conversations. As a result, I uncovered some incredible plots and deals and received seven doggie awards. I had a husband and many puppies. Now, I'm retired." Max is amazed and asks the owner how much he wants for Cindy. The owner says, "$20." Max says, "This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling this dog so cheap?" The owner replies, "Because Cindy is a liar - she didn't do any of the things she told you."

4271. 犬の諜報部員


4272. Cape Town

A travel agent got a call from a female Kansas Congressman's who wanted to go to Cape Town. When he started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information, she interrupted him with, ''I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but Cape Town is in Massachusetts.'' Without trying to make her look stupid, he calmly explained, ''Cape Cod is in Massachusetts, but Cape Town is in Africa.'' The congressman’s response -- click.

4272. ケープタウン


4273. Off-the-shelf gifts

Walking along the beach, John tripped over a half-buried lantern and he rubbed its side. Sure enough, a Genie appeared. "Sorry, but due to my poor ability, I can't grant your wishes," explained the Genie. "But I'll give you three off-the-shelf gifts for releasing me instead. They are a potion to cure ill health, a very large diamond, and a dinner date with a famous movie star. By tomorrow afternoon, you will have received all these gifts." When John returned home from work the next evening, he excitedly asked his mother if anything had been delivered. "Yes," she replied. "It's been an unusual day. At 2 pm, a 55 gallon drum of chicken soup arrived. About a half-hour later, a telegram came, saying that a long-lost relative had left you a minor-league baseball stadium. Ten minutes ago, MGM called, inviting you to dinner with Lassie tonight."

4273. 在庫品の贈り物



4274. Retirees

Q: How many retirees does it to change a light bulb?
A: Only one, but it might take all day.

4274. 退職者


4275. Mad cow disease

A female reporter was conducting an interview with a farmer about Mad Cow Disease. "Mr. Brown, do you have any idea what might be the cause of the disease?" "Sure. Do you know the bulls only screw the cows once a year?" "Umm, sir, that is a new piece of information, but what's the relationship between this and Mad Cow?" "And did you know we milk the cows twice a day?" Mr. Brown, that's interesting, but, what's the point?" "Lady, the point is this: if I'm playing with your tits twice a day, but only screwing you once a year, wouldn't you go mad, too?"

4275. 狂牛病


4276. Psalm

Abe is in New York on business. On his 3rd night, he goes back to his hotel room feeling quite miserable. Although his business goes well, he’s feeling very lonely - he’s missing his wife. He casually picks up the Bible from his bedside table and opens it. On the first page, he finds hand-written notes. "If you’re sick, read Psalm 18. If you’re troubled, read Psalm 45. If you’re lonely, read Psalm 92." That’s it! He stops there, immediately turns to Psalm 92 and starts to read. When he gets to the end of the Psalm, he finds someone has written: "If you’re still lonely, why don’t you call Fifi on 202-333-1234."

4276. 賛美歌


4277. Three wishes

A man was strolling along the beaches area in East Toronto when he spotted a bottle floating in Lake Ontario. The bottle drifted ashore. He picked up the bottle and opened it. You guessed it, out popped a Genie. "Master, you have released me from my 1,000 year bondage in this bottle, ask any three wishes and I will grant them to you." The man thought for a moment and said, "I would like the following three things to happen this year. The Toronto Maple Leafs win the NHL finals and the Toronto Blue Jays win the World Series and The Toronto Raptors win the NBA title.” The Genie thought about this for a moment and said, "What's another thousand years?" and jumped back in the bottle. "

4277. 三つの願い



4278. Role call

A third grade teacher always took role call each morning and asked her pupils to answer by reciting a short prose. The first kid sat in the first row stood and said, "My name is Dan, and when I become a man, I would like to go to Japan if I can, and I think I can." The next kid was a little girl who sat in the middle of the room. She stood up and answered the roll call by stating, "My name is Suzy, and when I become a lady I would like to have a baby if I can, and I think I can." The next on the list was Little Johnny in the back row. He stood up and said, "My name is Johnny, and I don't give a damn about Japan, but I would like to help Suzy in her plan if I can ... and I think can!"

4278. 出席を取ります



4279. Not your husband, but the mail man

Beverly Hills lady got very angry at her French maid. After a long list of stinging remarks about her shortcomings as a cook and housekeeper, she dismissed the maid. The maid couldn't allow such abuse to go unanswered. "Your husband considers me a better housekeeper and cook than you, Madam. He has told me himself." The rich woman just swallowed and said nothing. "And furthermore," the angry girl continued, "I am better in bed than you!" "And I suppose my husband told you that, too?" "No, Madam," said the maid. "Not your husband, the mail man!"

4279. あなたの夫ではなく、郵便配達夫です



4280. Billed twice

Why does the law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients?
To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service.

4280. 二重請求


●同じサービスとは screwing(ペテンにかける/セックスをする)のことです。

Kaz's BOOK STOREへ 英語のジョーク表紙へ
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