An old married couple were facing each other in a nursing home. The old man is in a wheelchair. The old woman is leaning on a walker. The old man confesses, “I was unfaithful to you once. With some redhead in the men’s room of a pool hall in 1951. I was drunk.” The old woman responded, “That was me.”
In San Francisco, a Chinese woman calls the telephone exchange.
Caller: Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan (anyone)?
Operator: Yes, you can speak to me.
Caller: No, I want to speak to Annie Wan (anyone)!
Operator: You are talking to someone! Who is this?
Caller: I’m Sam Wan (Someone). And I need to talk to Annie Wan (anyone)! It’s urgent.
Operator: I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone! But what’s this urgent matter about?
Caller: Well… just tell my sister Annie Wan (anyone) that our brother Noh Wan (no one) was involved in an accident. Noh Wan (no one) got injured and now Noh Wan (no one) is being sent to the hospital.
Operator: Look if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital, then the accident isn’t an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but I don’t have time for this!
Caller: You are so rude! Who are you?
Operator: I’m Saw Lee (Sorry).
Caller: Yes! You should be sorry. Now give me your name!!
A winery in California that produces Pinot Blancs and Pinot Grigios developed a new hybrid. It acts as an antidiuretic and will reduce the number of trips an older person has to make to the toilet during the night. They are marketing it as Pinot more.
Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being discharged. A student nurse found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet. He insisted he didn't need any help to leave the hospital. After hearing about the regulation rules from her, he reluctantly let the nurse wheel him to the elevator. On the way down she asked him if his wife was coming to help him. “I don't know,” he said. “She's still upstairs in her patient’s room changing out of her hospital gown.”
An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. The two gentlemen kept talking and one said, “Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly.” The other man said, “What is the name of the restaurant?” The first man thought and thought and finally said, “What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know, the one that's red and has thorns.” “Ah, do you mean a rose?” “Yes, yes, that's the one!” replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, “Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?”
An old man was surprised when his gorgeous blonde neighbor chick knocked on his door one evening. When he opened the door she said, “I just got home, and I have this strong urge to have a good time, go out for some drinks and spend the night with someone. Are you doing anything tonight?” The old fellow was excited and quickly responded, “No, I’m free tonight and at your service.” “Great,” she said. “Can you watch my dog?”
A group of American tourists were traveling by tour bus through Switzerland. As they stopped at a cheese farm, a young guide led them through the process of cheese making, explaining that goat's milk was used. She showed the group a lovely hillside where many goats were grazing. “These,” she explained, “are the older goats put out to pasture when they no longer produce.” She then asked, “What do you do in America with your old goats?” A cynical old gentleman answered, “They send us on bus tours.”
Why did immigration take the sick raptor into custody?
Because he was an ill eagle.
5418.病気の猛禽類
何故入国管理局は病気の猛禽類を拘束したのでしょうか？それは違法（病気）な鷲だったからです。
●Ill eagle(病気の鷲)とillegal （違法）との語呂合わせ。
5419. Prostitute club
Yesterday my daughter e-mailed me persuading that I should do something useful with my time, rather than chatting with elderly people in the nursing home. She suggested that I better go out and seek for something interesting. I did so and I decided to tell her what happened today. I e-mailed her and told her I had joined a parachute club. She soon replied, "Are you nuts? You are 73 years old, and now you're going to start jumping out of airplanes?" I told her I even got a membership card, and e-mailed a copy to her. She immediately telephoned me, "Mom, where are your glasses! This is a membership to a Prostitute Club, not a Parachute Club!!” “Oh my God, I'm in trouble again and I really don' t know what to do since I signed up for five times a week" I said. The line went quiet, but her friend picked up the phone and told me my daughter had fainted. Life as a senior citizen is not getting any easier, but sometimes it can be fun.
At the medical entrance examination, the examinees were asked to form the name of an important human body part which is most useful when erect, using letters E,I,N,P, and S. Most examinees wrote “PENIS” and failed when they mistook “erect” for “male erection”. The correct answer is “SPINE.”
An old married couple were facing each other in a nursing home. The old man is in a wheelchair. The old woman is leaning on a walker. The old man confesses, “I was unfaithful to you once. With some redhead in the men’s room of a pool hall in 1951. I was drunk.” The old woman responded, “That was me.” 
A winery in California that produces Pinot Blancs and Pinot Grigios developed a new hybrid. It acts as an antidiuretic and will reduce the number of trips an older person has to make to the toilet during the night. They are marketing it as Pinot more. 
Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being discharged. A student nurse found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet. He insisted he didn't need any help to leave the hospital. After hearing about the regulation rules from her, he reluctantly let the nurse wheel him to the elevator. On the way down she asked him if his wife was coming to help him. “I don't know,” he said. “She's still upstairs in her patient’s room changing out of her hospital gown.” 
An old man was surprised when his gorgeous blonde neighbor chick knocked on his door one evening. When he opened the door she said, “I just got home, and I have this strong urge to have a good time, go out for some drinks and spend the night with someone. Are you doing anything tonight?” The old fellow was excited and quickly responded, “No, I’m free tonight and at your service.” “Great,” she said. “Can you watch my dog?” 
A group of American tourists were traveling by tour bus through Switzerland. As they stopped at a cheese farm, a young guide led them through the process of cheese making, explaining that goat's milk was used. She showed the group a lovely hillside where many goats were grazing. “These,” she explained, “are the older goats put out to pasture when they no longer produce.” She then asked, “What do you do in America with your old goats?” A cynical old gentleman answered, “They send us on bus tours.”
Why did immigration take the sick raptor into custody?
Because he was an ill eagle. 
Yesterday my daughter e-mailed me persuading that I should do something useful with my time, rather than chatting with elderly people in the nursing home. She suggested that I better go out and seek for something interesting. I did so and I decided to tell her what happened today. I e-mailed her and told her I had joined a parachute club. She soon replied, "Are you nuts? You are 73 years old, and now you're going to start jumping out of airplanes?" I told her I even got a membership card, and e-mailed a copy to her. She immediately telephoned me, "Mom, where are your glasses! This is a membership to a Prostitute Club, not a Parachute Club!!” “Oh my God, I'm in trouble again and I really don' t know what to do since I signed up for five times a week" I said. The line went quiet, but her friend picked up the phone and told me my daughter had fainted. Life as a senior citizen is not getting any easier, but sometimes it can be fun. 
At the medical entrance examination, the examinees were asked to form the name of an important human body part which is most useful when erect, using letters E,I,N,P, and S. Most examinees wrote “PENIS” and failed when they mistook “erect” for “male erection”. The correct answer is “SPINE.”