| Mail Kaz for Other Jokes | Archives（旧作一覧） |
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| 5991. 60% agreement
5991. 60%は同意した ローマ教皇との会談を終えたビル・クリントン大統領は記者会見で、「二人は非常に有意義な話し合いを行ない、聖書の十戒について60%は同意した」と発表した。 ●モーゼによる十戒(Ten Commandments)は以下の通りです。クリントンは60%同意したそうですから、同意しなかったのは恐らく7,8,9,10でしょう。(笑) 1.Thou shall have no other gods before me. １．私の他に神があってはならない |
5995. Teacher 
Ms. Smith, an elementary school teacher, asked her pupils in class, “What do we call a person who keeps talking on and on when nobody else is interested in?” Little Johnny raised his hand and said, “It’ a teacher, Ms. Smith.” スミス先生が彼女のクラスの小学生に「誰も興味がない話を、延々と喋り続ける人のことを何と言いますか？」と質問した。チビのジョニーが手を挙げて答えた。「それは教師ですよ、スミス先生」 |
| 5996. Airport runaway signals
アメリカ大統領ジョー・バイデンは言い間違いだらけのお粗末なスピーチの後に、演壇の降り口がわからずウロウロしたことで、酷評されている。彼は木曜日に行なわれたメリーランド州・プリンスジョージ州立大学での演説を終えて演壇を降りようとしたが、どちらが出口だったか忘れてしまった。史上最年長の大統領となるバイデンは演説を終えて演壇を去る時出口がわからず、左に行ったり右に行ったりして、最後にようやくその場を去ることが出来た。そうでなくとも失言だらけの上に、こんな状態では2024年の大統領選に、果たして出馬出来るのかという疑問が湧くのも当然だろう。アメリカの保守的政治評論家のベニー・ジョンソンはこんな辛辣なコメントを寄せた。「こういった状態の人間には空港滑走路の信号のように、どちらへ行くかをライトで誘導するシステムが必要なんじゃないかな。そうすれば彼もそれが示す方向に動けるから」 |
| 5998. Fireman’s hose
消防士のホース ある日帰宅した消防士が妻に言った。「今日は消防署で素晴らしいシステムを学んだよ。ベル１が鳴ると、我々全員は消防服に着替える。ベル２が鳴ると全員が棒を伝い降りて集合し、ベル3が乗ると全員消防車に乗る、こういう決まりだ」夫はなおも続ける。「そこで我が家も今日から同じ様なシステムを採用しよう。私がベル１と言ったら我々二人は洋服を脱ぐ。ベル２と言ったら二人はベッドに飛び込む。ベル３と言ったら一晩中セックスをし続ける、いいね？」翌晩消防士の夫が勤務から戻ると大声で叫んだ。「ベル１！」妻は律義に服を脱いだ。「ベル２！」でベッドに飛び込み、夫が「ベル３！」と叫ぶと二人はセックスを始めた。2分後に妻が「ベル４！」と叫ぶので、夫が「なんだ、そのベル４というのは？」と聞くと、妻が答えた。「ホースをもっと出して。あなたは火に全然近付いていないわよ！」 |
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After a meeting with the Pope, Bill Clinton held a press conference and announced that they had a very successful conference and had agreed on about 60% of what they discussed about the Ten Commandments. 
冬になり南を目指して小鳥が飛んでいたが、余りの寒さに凍り付いて地面に落ちてしまった。そこで横たわっていると、一匹の牛がやって来て凍った小鳥の上に糞をした。牛糞に山の中で凍った小鳥は何て暖かいんだろうと感じて、やがて牛糞のおかげで氷が溶けて小鳥は外に出ることが出来た。小鳥は嬉しくなって歌を歌い出したが、ちょうどそこを通りかかった猫がこの歌声を聞いて、牛糞の中に小鳥がいることを見つけるやいなや、飛びついて食べてしまった。
Little Johnny is at Toys R Us looking for a new toy to buy. He finally finds a toy car he really likes and decides to buy it. He goes up to the cashier to pay for the toy car and offers fake Monopoly plastic money. The cashier says to Little Johnny, “Are you dumb? This is not real money.” Little Johnny responds, “You’re stupid. Neither is the car!”
#Q1. When a lawyer reads an obituary notice, what is the first thing he wonders? #A1: Does he (she) have a will? 
U.S. President Joe Biden has been brutally slammed after appearing to forget how to leave a stage following another awkward speech riddled with errors. After speaking at Prince George's Community College in Maryland on Thursday, the oldest-ever president came in for yet more criticism. At the end of his speech, Biden appeared to forget how to leave the stage he was speaking on, slowly looking right, then left, and again right before he eventually departed the platform. President Biden has faced questions over whether he is fit to run in the 2024 presidential election following a string of embarrassing gaffes. US conservative political commentator Benny Johnson made a sarcastic remark; "Usually, we have those guys on the airport runways to signal him with their lights on which way to go. He was just trying to find them."
Q. What do you call an Irishman holding a bottle of champagne after the victory of the Irish team in the Rugby World Cup Final? 
One day a fireman came home from work and said to his wife, "We have a wonderful system at the firehouse. Bell 1 rings, and we all put on our jackets. Bell 2 rings, and we all slide down the pole. Bell 3 rings, and we all get on the trucks.” The husband continued, "So from now on, we're going to run the house in the same way. When I say Bell 1, we strip naked. When I say Bell 2, we jump into bed. And when I say Bell 3, we make love all night.” The next night, the fireman came home from work, and yelled, 'Bell 1!' and his wife dutifully took off all her clothes. Then he yelled 'Bell 2!' and she got into bed. And he yelled 'Bell 3!' and they began to make love. After 2 minutes, his wife yelled, 'Bell 4!' 'What the hell is Bell 4?' asked her husband. 'Roll out more hose, you’re not near the fire!' 
One day Little Jimmy got home early from school. His mother asked why he came home so early. He answered, “Because I was the only one that answered a question in my class.” She said, “Wow! My son is a genius. What was the question?” Jimmy replied, “The question was: Who threw the dog droppings at the principal’s head?”
Kim-Jong Un wanted to know what his citizens thought of him, so he disguised himself as a regular citizen and went out. In the streets of Pyongyang, he approached a man and asked, “What do you think of our Great Leader?” The man, not knowing who was speaking to him, said, “Follow me. I don’t want anyone to hear me.” He took Kim to a dark, quiet alley where no one would hear. Kim then repeated the question, “What do you think of our Great Leader?” The man approached him closer, and whispered in his ears, “I support our Great Leader!”